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Rilo Kiley – Portions for Foxes

October 4, 2005

I feel like everytime I’m like out and about, I come up with really clever, witty (or as clever and witty as it gets for me) ideas for my blog. Then I sit down at my computer to write a blog and I just go blank.. it’s kind of irritating.

I feel like I have these episodes where I get down about nothing in particular. I have like one of those nights every two week where I just sit and listen to “Smoke” by Ben Folds Five and just kind of get sunk in it. I don’t know why this happens or how to snap of it but it’s always one of those things that I’m really embarassed. I guess it’s as close as I get to being drunk. Like I wake up and I’m like what was that all about. Kind of embarassing.

I have some guilty pleasures in my life, meaning things I like that I know I shouldn’t like but love nonetheless. Number one on my all – time list of guilty pleasures is the occasional watching of Antiques Roadshow. I like this show because I think it’s really cool to see someone’s eyes just light up when they’re told that some piece of shit jack-in-the-box that their great Uncle Morty left him when he finally died is worth like thousands of dollars plus some of the things on that show are genuinely interesting. Number two… Judge Judy, granted it conflicts with my watching of Around the Horn and PTI but when they’re not (which is at least once a week.. I mean what the fuck?), I take a real pleasure in watching Judge Judy take down some young punk who thinks he’s smarter than Judge J.. not so fast!

I’m at a place in my life right now where I’m more or less content with the kinds of things that are going on in my life and my general station in life is one that I’m pretty happy with. I’ve more or less resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to be single for a while. It’s not that I’m aversed to a serious relationship because I certainly am not. It’s just that I can’t imagine a woman coming along that really gets me in all the ways that I feel like I need to be understood and I just can’t imagine finding someone who’s faults I’m able to see and able to overlook. I guess that kind of scares me more than anything else. And the thing that is most confusing to me about that is that when it comes to relationships and “romance”, I’m pretty realistic. I’m more than aware than no one is perfect and love is about nothing if it’s not about acceptance of someone’s flaws and of your own. But I just can’t forsee a situation, at least anytime, soon where I’m able to really thrust myself into anything because it’s.. well kind of scary. Once that breach has been made, once you’ve said, in a very sixth grade fashion, “will you be my girlfriend?” There’s only one of two directions that relationship can take. One of them is to the altar, the other is in heartache and with the people meet while I don’t want to marry them, the idea of having to hurt them at some point isn’t a duty that I take particular joy in and would like to avoid if at all possible.

59. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Howl
58. The Strokes – Reptilia
57. David Gray – Only The Lonely
56. John Mayer – Love Soon
55. Elliot Smith – Happiness
54. The Verve – Lucky Man
53. Elton John – I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues
52. The Cranberries – Linger
51. Better Than Ezra – Desperately Wanting
50. Kings of Leon – Molly’s Chambers

Hero of the Day: GO SABRES!

One Comment leave one →
  1. clara permalink
    October 11, 2005 6:54 am

    For the record. I talked to you on the same night that you went into a ‘fit of depression’, as I’d like to label it..and it was nothing to be embarrassed of…
    And secondly, I love Antiques Roadshow..deep down. It was definititely one of the favorites between my Nana and I, and you’re the first person to ever get me to admit to that….

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