Sullen Girl – Fiona Apple
There are some nights, like these when Fiona Apple just kind of defines my mood. I know I shouldn’t just launch into my typical nonsense without at least acknowleding that I’ve been MIA from these parts for almost a month now. I’m sorry, it’s just somedays I have little chunks of blog in my head but not enough to substantiate an entire entry but considering that it just got cold and I’m sitting here drinking tea and listening to Jim Croce, I thought I’d give it a try.
I was talking to one of my friends about my life yesterday and I mentionted that my life was kind of flatlining and she immediately scolded me and said “Don’t say that! That’s not true!” But it is true and I don’t even necessarily think it’s a bad thing. Sometimes we need plateaus to give us a chance to amp up for an upcoming hill or give us a chance to appreciate where we are and how we got there. If my life was all peaks and valleys (I’m really taking this mountain motif to new heights, oh shit I did it again), then I’d go insane. It’s sometimes nice to have a minute to catch your breath and look around at where you are and appreciate the forest for the trees.
There are certain songs that I know that I’m going to want played at my wedding. “You Are the Everything” by R.E.M. is one of them. “I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song” by Jim Croce is another. I’m sure that as my life goes on, I’ll find more.
My sappiness reached an all – time low this weekend when an episode of Boy Meets World made me glass over. It was one of these flashback episodes where like Corey and Topanga were on the verge of some big scary life decision and so they reflected on everything they’d been through from the early days on. And they showed their wedding and Corey and Topanga’s vows were so fucking sweet, I couldn’t help it. Corey said something to the effect that he’d never really been sure of anything in his life but Topanga and that she was the only thing that he was really sure about and that she’s all he’s ever known. So that was fucking sweet and then it was her turn. She said that through everything that they’d been through, she wasn’t sure if their love could last but he was and that he had always been the steady hand through everything. And then it happened, I got that lump in my throat and my eyes glassed over. I guess that I imagine that whoever I end up with will have to be a patient woman. She’ll have to deal with the fact that I’ve fallen asleep to Sportscenter every night for about 8 years now. She’ll have to deal with those human interest stories on Sportscenter make me teary eyed. She’ll have to deal with the fact that I’ll come across a band that I’ll totally love that I won’t be able to shut the hell up about until the next one comes along. She’ll have to deal with the fact that I’m constantly quoting High Fidelity, Scrubs, or Sportsnight. But I hope that the fact that I’ll promise to love and protect her with everything I have, through everything, will make up for my shortcomings. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to understand if this life, this ideal that I’ve imagined for myself exists or maybe it it just a figment of my imaginaton.
My hero for the day:
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