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Keane – Bend and Break

January 4, 2006

“… it’s a mystery of human chemistry and I don’t understand it but some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just feel like… home.”

I kind of thought that was an appropriate way to start off this entry. I’ve never believed in fate.. I mean I think it’s a quaint idea and is good in theory but there are moments in my life that make me think that maybe something is happening that is bigger than me. It’s so weird.. there are people in life that you can not talk to for.. years, it seems like and then you talk and it’s like you click all over again, nothing’s changed.. she’s as interesting and as beautiful as she ever was. I’ve sometimes wondered if maybe I let people back into my life a little easily, that my problem isn’t that I’m too guarded it’s that I’m not guarded enough. But to be honest.. at the end of the day, in spite of everything I’ve been through.. all the break ups and all the sacrifices I’ve made in vain, I wouldn’t change that about myself. I’ve had my share of fuck ups since November 6th, 1983 and people have found ways to forgive me, to let me redeem myself and I guess the least I can do is pay that forward.. because who knows.. it might be worth it.

Music really.. (I got made fun of for using this phrase before but I continue using it undaunted) defines me and really provides a soundtrack for my life. I know how trite that sounds.. believe me. But I think music has this really transcedent and manipulative quality to it, at least in my life. It has this ability to make me feel certain emotions with just a couple notes. I think one of these days I may have to sit down and make a soundtrack for my life.. a running anthology. I have songs reserved in my head for the woman I marry… songs that mean something to me and define the way (I hope) I’ll feel about her..

This morning.. I woke up to my iPod playing “Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire.. weird…

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