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Push me ’till I have to fly….

June 23, 2006

I think about all of the things that have happened to me.. good and bad.. to get me to where I am right now. And somehow it seems worth it. Moving to Indiana when I was 15. All of that “stuff” that happens to you that’s out of your control. That expression “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, I think that might be a little dramatic as the things that happen to you are very unlikely to kill you but they definitely make you stronger. Everyday prepares you for the next.

Sometimes I wear my emotional scars like battle wounds. Things that I’ve made it through, rocky relationships that I’ve been in, nights I spent staring out my window wondering how to make sense of everything, feeling overwhelmed. And sometimes it’s nice just to be able to let go of all of that. Just feel renewed and cleansed. There’s a line from an episode of Six Feet Under and thinking about it, I think its relevant to post the entire scene because I think it’s that apropos.

Nate Sr : You hold onto your pain like it means something. Like it’s worth something. Well let me tell you something — it’s not worth shit. Let it go! Infinite possibilities, and all he can do is whine.

David : Well, what am I supposed to do?

Nate Sr : What do you think? You can do anything you lucky bastard — you’re alive! What’s a little pain compared to that?

David : It can’t be that simple.

Nate Sr: What if it is?

I get goosebumps just typing think. I think it’s so appropriate for me because I think sometimes I have to be cognizant of where I’ve been and the effect it has on where I’m going but I get let it stop me. I was talking to someone the other day about obstacles and the things we don’t think we can get past. And it’s all a matter of perspective. It’s a matter of keeping in mind that the road blocks in your life are road blocks that you helped to construct. You can take them down as easily as you put them up. You’re alive.. what’s a little pain compared to that? … genius.

My parents are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on Tuesday and I couldn’t be more proud to have two human beings in my life. They have given me a great model for what a healthy relationship is. My mom gets tired of my dad sometimes and vice versa but they never seemed to lose sight of the fact that they were in this together and together they could get through anything.

I’m Jim and Emily’s boy and I couldn’t be prouder.

I’m not very good at playing games. Maybe that’s to my detriment but I hope it’s not. I’m so much better at laying my cards on the table and saying here I am than playing it cool and not giving away that “aww” noise she makes when you give her a compliment makes you weak in the knees.

I feel like a very detail oriented guy. I always have been. The devil’s in the details and so am I. I like it when girl’s tuck their hair behind their ears. Or when their eyes slowly open first thing in the morning, they half smile and say “good morning” all scratchy-voiced. I like to talking to someone from dusk until it’s pitch black out and wonder where the time went.

Song that was playing when I finished this:

Maximo Park
The Coast is Always Changing
A Certain Trigger

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