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scared of the world outside, you should go explore….

June 24, 2006

I’ve never been one to have a pension for cliches. I generally think that cliches are things that one smart person said that are re-iterated over time by people not creative enough to explain how they feel so they rely on someone else to do it. But I think there are some cliches that stick around because they simply are the simplest way to say something. The one that I’m thinking of is the concept that “time heals all wounds”. I think in a lot of ways that’s true. Think about how many people you know are friends or have friends that they were once fueding with and something brought them together and now they’re BFF. Time heals all wounds. Re-connecting with someone, you secretly hoped you’d re-connect with, talking to them and having every emotion you’ve ever had for them hit you like a brick wall, feeling as new as the first time you told her you’d like to see her again. Times heals all wounds.. I guess that’s fitting..

I feel like when people read their old writings, things they’ve written while in another place and time and a different headspace, they have a tendency to kind of laugh it off. And by that I mean, they sort of read it and chuckle and think “I can’t believe I was that upset about that”. Hindsight’s 20/20 but as I read some of my older writings I easily see how it shapes the way I think. I can see the progression. I can see how I connected the dots. I’m no longer the college senior unsure of what life had in store for him next or what he wanted to do with his life. I’m a kid who has a career, a business card and an extension. I’m a kid who thinks he’ll know what it is happens to him. I’m a kid who’s unshamedly romantic for no particular reason.

I was reading an old entry of mine from probably two years ago and at that point I was recovering from what can only be described as one of the most beautifully dysfunctional relationships in recorded history. I was really scared of starting over. Really scared of having to explain myself to someone again. I feel like that’s the most fun part of any relationship. Is that beginning grace period. Talking until 2 in the morning when you have to be up at 7 and not caring. I think the key is to find someone who you think about as you’re resting your forehead on the edge of your desk, exhausted beyond reason and thinking “I can’t wait to talk to her tonight”.

There aren’t many times that I blow my own horn but there are times when I feel like I ought to give myself a pat on the back. Pat on the back.. kind of funny… my name is Pat.. too.. anyway. I was talking to someone last night (ok I was talking to Sarah.. shout out!) and we were talking about love and her claim that she didn’t know how she wanted to be love. That it was this enigmatic thing that she wanted but didn’t exactly know how. And I thought about it and I stated to her that I thought that love was being with someone who makes you feel like the chaos and craziness in your life is managable. When you tell them about your horrific day, how your boss isn’t sure that you know that you want to be a reporter or got a screw stuck in your tire .. for example, they look you dead in the eye and say “It’s going to be ok.” And you believe them. That’s what love is. That’s when you know you’ve found it. If they are able to ease your worried mind with that phrase or some variation of it… then that’s it. And I think that’s totally true. There are some exceptions this the rule and I think guys out there know where I’m coming from on this one. The “It’s going to be ok” especially accompanied by “It’s just a game” should never be uttered immediately following a difficult loss for one of many teams for which we’d gladly give our left nut to see win a championship. We realize it’s not the end of the world and the sun is still going to come up tomorrow and believe it or not, we, too, realize that it’s just a game. We know that later, when we’re lying in bed with you, we’ll still be a little bothered by that interception McNabb threw to cost the Eagles the game but it won’t matter anymore. You know why? Because we know that when we wake up in the morning and you’re still there.. we know “it’s going to be ok.”

Song that was playing when I finished this:
Joshua Radin
We Were Here

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