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What would an angel say? The devil wants to know

June 27, 2006

I make an effort when I write in her not to be too grandiose with how I feel. I try not to speak in terms of “grand passions” or be too dramatic about things. Because that’s not what life is about for me. At least I don’t think it is. Life for me isn’t an imitation of what I see in the movies. Not anymore anyway. Life is much simpler or sometimes exponentially more complicated. I think where movies and television fail to depict reality is really a result of the nature of the medium. You are trying to make a storyline as broad as possible in an effort to make the show or the film’s appeal universal. Try to have a central driving thematic that appeals to everyone. That’s not how life is. Every situation is different. Every interaction you have is with a person with a set of ideals and passions entirely their own. For me life isn’t about huge gestures, huge moments. It’s the little stolen moments. It’s that moment when you feel someone’s hand snake around yours for the first time. It’s the moment when you tell her you love her and she says it back and you feel like you’re on fire, the warmth inside just radiating outward. It’s the little victories that you teach you what life is really about, teaches you that there’s no three-act structure. There’s not always an antagonist and a protagonist, not a resolution to every conflict.

I think it’s easy to get the impression from reading this that I think that the only road to hapiness is to be in love, be in a relationship. I don’t think that’s true at all. I think that the most important thing you can have in your life is friends and family who’ll love you in spite of yourself sometimes. People who will love you even though you act like a dick sometimes. To that point though, I don’t at all undervalue the importance of having love in your life.. in every capacity, not just from a relationship and not just from your friends and family.

I constantly feel the need to defend my romanticsm. I think romanticsm, not just for relationships but for life in general, makes life exponentially more enjoyable. It’s as if romanticsm and being open with it and being open about loving the way you feel around someone that you care about is equated to being desperate for that feeling whenever possible. I think that’s off. I think that being aware of how special and rare it is to be so enamored with someone that you’re willing to give all of yourself to them, irrespective of the consequences is a good thing. I think, if nothing else, it makes you more aware when you don’t feel that way. When you know how it feels to live in a bubble with someone and feel like little else matters, then you know when you’re laying with someone and you can’t wait to get home and play X Box.

Song that was playing when I finished this:
Mike Doughty
Unsingable Name
Haughty Melodic

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