I’ve been held back by something..
I was listening to an interview today with Nada Surf. And one of the band members was talking about music and his relationship with music. And he went on to talk about how he’s a sucker for a good song and a beautiful melody. And talked about television commercials making him cry. And he sort of unapologetically professed to being easily susceptible to the emotion in music and I feel the same way. I feel kind of dorky but there are songs that I’ve heard that have tugged at my heartstrings. Songs so perfectly gorgeous that it gives you goosebumps. Songs like that are “Where The Streets Have No Name”, “Fix You” certainly illicited a similar experience from me and “Hamburg Song” off the new Keane record has me glad I’m wearing sunglasses when I listen to it. Something about Tom Chapin’s voice when he sings “I lay myself down/To make it so, but you don’t want to know/I give much more than I’d ever ask for”. And that picture perfect line “I don’t wanna be the only one you know/I wanna be the place you call home.” I really never stopped being amazed by the emotions music brings out in me, which sounds really cheesy but I’m as susceptible to the emotion in music as the guy in Nada Suf or anyone else.
I think that, as lame as this sounds, love for me is being able to listen to an apologetically romantic love song.. like Hamburg Song or Try Again or Somewhere Only We Know or Yellow and feel like the words in the song speak for you. I think that you know you’re not in love with someone when a song like that comes on and you feel awkward by what you’re hearing, knowing that the emotions expressed in the song are nowhere near what you feel for that person. I think love is when you can listen to a song like “For Once in My Life”, not say a word and when the track ends, nod and say “Yeah that’s about it… how do you feel?”
As I’ve gotten older, love has become far less enigmatic to me, only in the sense that I know what it is and I know how I want it to feel and be and exist in my life. I know what I’ll feel like when I’m with that person or the lengths to which I go to make them happy or see them smile. I think that’s a true test of how much you care for someone is how much you’re willing to inconvience yourself to make them happy. That, like anything else in a healthy relationship, involves a great deal of give and take and if you’re always bending over backwards for someone who wouldn’t cross the street to do something for you, then I think you know that that’s not love. Love is about selflessness, giving all that you can because you know the other person is doing the same. And I feel confident that as I’ve become older and gained some more insight, albeit fractional in size, I’ve really come to realize what role love plays in my life. It’s still a complete mystery as to how it will happen and when it will happen, but those are the kind of mysteries that make life fun. I’d like to think that I’ve always remained open to the possibility of love without actively searching for it. Love is kind of like an LA casting agent … don’t call us, we’ll call you..