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I wake up, it’s a bad dream, no one on my side..

July 4, 2006

I hear lyrics occasionally that make me want to be in love. I know that’s easily one of the top 5 cheesiest things you or anyone you know has heard today but it’s true. “The songs are in your eyes, I see them when you smile.” You mean to tell me that those words don’t make you want to have someone in your life that you feel a tenth of that passionate about? Someone that makes you forget how lost you are, makes you forget how bad IU football sucks even though you swear they have a chance every week, makes you excited to be alive.

I was reading today in GQ about this kid in Nepal who hasn’t eaten or drank anything for 7 months and people think that he is the re-incarnation of the buddha. And I started thinking about skeptics. People who don’t believe anything and think there is nothing mystifying about life and all that surrounds us and that nothing is a mystery, everything explainable, logical, predictable. I just think that’d be such a shitty way to go through life. Now I’m not a huge believer in the paranormal or in magic or anything to that effect, I’m not a warlock or a dungeon master or anything but sometimes, when it comes to things like this it’s almost more fun to believe than be cynical. I think life is, to some extent, about allowing yourself to come to terms that there are things in your life and in the world as a whole that defy explanation, they just are.

I was watching Match Point this afternoon which is easily one of the best movies I’ve seen in some time. And there’s a line in there that I’ve been thinking about for a lot of today. The idea that fate is the path of least resistance. I think there’s something to that. I think that a lot of time people are afraid to admit the impact they have over their lives. The idea that all of the decisions they make lead them to where they are and it’s not pre-determined at all … or supposed to be .. but instead cause and effect. I just look at all of the fucked up things in the world and I can’t imagine that it’s part of any pre-determined plan. Good people who never smoked a day in their life dying of lung cancer. 20-year-old girls gets killed in a car accident by a woman fleeing from the cops. Fate? I doubt it. Destiny? I fucking hope not. If she had left wherever she was before that 25 seconds later, she wouldn’t have been in the path of that car. Cause and effect. Wrong place, wrong time. I think it’s important for me to admit that life doesn’t happen, there is no plan, no path to happiness. Life doesn’t happen for you, it happens to and around you.

Back to my original point about the lyrics. There are some lyrics that make you want to be in love. Then there are lyrics that make you want to look at someone who hurt you dead in the eye and yell the words at them, gritting your teeth. “Prove to me, I’m tired of words, they don’t ever mean a thing.”

Song that was playing when I finished this:
Jeff Buckley
Eternal Life (live)
Mystery White Boy

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