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I know the reason and there’s just no reason

September 14, 2006

For some reason, tonight, I’m left wondering about the role I’ve created for myself in the lives of those around me. I think sometimes is so convenient for people to pigeonhole me, or anyone really, to a role that they’re comfortable with. I feel like the problem with me is that I’m not easily pigeonholed, I’m a lot of different things.. so when I feel myself being cast, I don’t know.. it’s a really unsettling feeling because I feel like I’m not just one of anything.

I feel weird when people who only know me as one thing encounter this blog. I think it’s so juxtaposed to how I act sometimes but it’s honestly how I feel and I really don’t know how to keep that to myself.

But it’s like I’m not just the jocky guy, with semi-fratty tendancies. I’m not just the guy who can listen to a song and be moved to tears or think “damn, I wish I had written that”. I’m not just the “sensitive” guy who feels a little more than she should. I’m not just the goofy guy who likes to have a good time and keep things loose, rocking a towel on his head and “Andrae” on his back. I’m all of those things. And I feel like the people who get that are the people that are closest to me in my life. I feel like my best friends are the people who can talk about sports with me one minute and be talking about why my last relationship failed the next because that transition for me, is seamless.

Maybe I just need to deal with this and let people make of me what they will. But it’s hard sometimes when you know you have more to offer than what is being taken in. There are things that I am and there’s things that I’m not. I am the guy who can honestly spend an entire Saturday watching college football. I am the guy who reads GQ and Esquire religiously and can have a serious conversation with anyone about fashion. I am the guy who just moisturized his face with lotion that probably cost more than your boyfriend’s cologne. I’m not the guy that’s going to forget the first time we kissed or an anniversary. I’m just not that guy. I’m not going to forget to call you just because I’m hanging out with my friends. I’m not one-dimensional. I’m just not.

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