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So I keep on running to protect my situation…

September 19, 2006

Love makes us do crazy things. Which I know is really trite and fundamentally vague but I think it’s a sentiment that has a lot of truth to it. I guess specifically I wonder why people, myself included at times, stay in relationships that they know are a) going nowhere and b)making them unhappy. The second of those conditions seems to be in fundamental conflict with why we get in relationships to begin with. We, in theory, enter into a monogomous relationship with someone because being around them makes us happy. I think the reason people stay in relationships that make them unhappy is a matter of comfort. You get afraid that no one will understand you the way you think that person does. No one will understand your quirks and appreciate, or at the very least tolerate, them. Some people stay out of some sense of obligation. Others stay as a matter or pride, determined to ride a relationship all the way to the ground because they don’t want to admit that they failed. I think that finding someone, relationship wise or as a matter of friendship, that understands you and that gets you is definitely of value. But at what cost? Life is really short and if you don’t believe me, look at your parents. I look at my parents and they aged without me knowing it. I find myself forgetting that as I get older they get older too. My dad turns 50 on Sunday. My dad can’t be 50. Life goes by really fast and it’s far to short to be anything less than happy.

I find myself at a weird crossroads. At a point in my life where the things that I want are intersecting with the things that I need. When you get out of school, you really lead a limitless life. Want to quit your job and move to Maine to go out on a lobster boat? Do it. You have instant and infite mobility. Basically, once you get out of school, your life is yours to screw up. On the other side of the coin, there’s nothing but possibilities. And that’s exciting and scary.

I’m slowly realizing that some of the questions that I have about my life and about the way things are in general might not have answers. Sometimes the best we can do is make sense of what we can and accept what we can’t. I don’t know maybe I’m full of shit.

how tides control the sea
and what becomes of me
how little things can slip out of your hands

how often people change
no two remain the same
why things dont always turn out as you plan
these are things that i dont understand
yea these are things that i dont understand

and i cant decide
wrong from right
oh my day from night
oh the dark from light
but i love this life

how infinite is space
and who decides your fate
why everything will dissolve into sand

how to avoid defeat
where truth and fiction meet
why nothing ever turns out as you plan
these are things that i dont understand
yea these are things that i dont understand

and i cant decide
wrong from right
oh my day from night
oh the dark from light
but i love this life

Just seemed appropriate I guess…

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